Speaker 1: 0:07

Welcome to the Bubble Lounge. I'm Martha Jackson. I'm joined today by one of our all-time favorite and most listened to guests, reverend Dr Chris Scarrata from St Michael's and All Angels. It's that time of year again when we're all trying to keep the Christmas spirit alive, even though the list of things to do is longer than Santa's naughty list. But there's something deeper we're going to discuss today Change. Our world is changing. It's inevitable, and dealing with change is hard, especially when dealing with others. So in this season of peace as we prepare for a new year, I wanted to talk with Chris about how we manage change in our lives. So grab a cup of coffee, or maybe a glass of holiday cheer, and join us for this uplifting conversation with Reverend Dr Chris Garada. You won't want to miss it.

Speaker 1: 0:57

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Speaker 1: 1:16

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Speaker 2: 2:12

I love being back. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1: 2:14

It is so good to have you here. What the heck is going on at St Michael's? Half the church is missing. What is going on?

Speaker 2: 2:22

You're exactly right. So we have come toward it like kind of in the last phase of this big effort that we've been doing for almost a decade now and that has totally reshaped our campus. We leased a portion of our property and now those big glass buildings are up and they're beautiful and they're activating the campus in a really powerful way, and so now we have taken the core of our campus so that the space is smarter. So, even though we're not really increasing our square footage a lot, we will have fewer, bigger spaces that allow us to be flexible and, most importantly for me, we will be able to bring people in the church building through a single entry point, and so that creates a much stronger, healthier, more relational entrance, especially for people visiting for the first time. I like to call them collision spaces, and so we're actually kind of forcing people to be together, and so that project is underway. We have done our excavation. The big crane is now up and we should be done by Easter of 2026.

Speaker 1: 3:26

Oh, wow, okay, Well, it's coming along.

Speaker 2: 3:28

It is super exciting.

Speaker 1: 3:30

Yeah, it's really interesting just driving by and just looking over there and of course the new building looks beautiful, like what you said, and just seeing the progress that's been made already.

Speaker 2: 3:38

Oh yeah, when the first wrecking ball came in and started taking the building down, I stood on the sidewalk on Douglas and just kind of held my breath and I said, well, we're doing it now. There's no turning back. No turning back, we're in, we're in.

Speaker 1: 3:51

Oh, wow. Well, that must have been a sight to see for sure it was great. Well, there's a lot of changes going on at St Michael's, obviously, which just kind of ties in with what we're going to be talking about today. There's a lot of change going on in our country, the world. It's that time of year when a lot of people are talking about making changes, and so I just really wanted to get your perspective on things. Next year, we're going to have a lot of changes in the country and just how people can do a better job of how we treat each other.

Speaker 2: 4:25

I think that's a great way to put it, because change is inevitable.

Speaker 2: 4:29

A lot of times, people will wish to resist change, but things will change always, and so for us, I think, in reflecting on 2024, regardless of really how you thought things went I do think we can all agree that we should treat each other better, and so what I think of as I think of going into 2025 is that we should prioritize respectful disagreement and respectful treatment of one another in a way that I just did not see enough of in 2024.

Speaker 2: 5:03

Certainly, there are people who did, but I think both media and also just in general, we are a bit more permissive about people treating each other badly than we used to be, and I would love to stop doing that. There's this kind of sense of people saying to one another like you do, you, I, you know, I get it. I understand that that might come from a good place, but honestly, I think we should have an expectation of a baseline respectfulness, a baseline kindness and learning how to disagree, learning how to debate robustly and still be respectful and kind to one another. That is something that we've stopped teaching children. It's something that we don't teach or even hold adults accountable to do and to be, and I wish we could get better at that.

Speaker 1: 6:01

Yeah, I would agree 100%. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and just kind of wondering how and when these things change. I feel like social media has changed for changes on that, because people feel powerful behind the keyboard and you're not necessarily seeing each other face to face. But I just feel like we were kind of given permission to be mean towards each other.

Speaker 2: 6:24

You bring up a good point and I don't want to scapegoat social media, like a lot of people do. However, as you point out, social media has created an environment in which people can essentially hide their ugliness. So, rather than being face-to-face and saying something hard to a person you actually know in real life, people are often given the opportunity to be judgmental, even mean, even hateful, behind the keyboard Two people they may not have ever met, nor will ever meet, and so the idea that we can treat strangers with such hostility has crept into our entire world. It has sort of become the water we swim in, and I think, without knowing it and without any intentionality, over the last 10 to 20 years we have allowed that sort of mistreatment to creep in.

Speaker 2: 7:27

That sort of mistreatment to creep in, we have allowed a general standard that we may have held one another to say decades ago to erode little bit by little bit. Those sort of micro shifts, they don't happen quickly. You don't go from being a respectful, kind person to being a hateful person in a day. It can take years, but slowly but surely. If we permit habits of mistreatment, then over time our entire culture will shift, and I kind of feel like that's really. What we are seeing are things that would have been unthinkable to say in public 15 or 20 years ago. Now totally normative, and I really wish they weren't.

Speaker 1: 8:08

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Speaker 1: 8:34

You see, Kathy and her team don't just sell car insurance, they sell peace of mind. So if an accident happens, they're actively working on your claim so you can put that accident behind you. And, best of all, Kathy will personally talk with your teen driver with some straight talk that will help them appreciate the driving privilege you have provided them. So if you're tired of high rates for auto insurance, please call our good friend Kathy Elwall, State Farm at 214-350-2692 or visit her website at kathylwallcom and let her know. Martha from the bubble lounge sent you Well. As Christians, we've always learned to treat others as we want to be treated ourselves, and it's just a big part of our faith.

Speaker 2: 9:16

Oh, you opened the door for me, thank you. So we learn as Christians, because Jesus was asked what is the greatest commandment? And so Jesus said he was going to summarize the commandments love God, love your neighbor as yourself. And so we have always translated that and of course I'm speaking in English, jesus did not, and so we've always translated that idea into something totally well-meaning Treat others as you would like to be treated. That's the golden rule idea. I think that the treat others as you would like to be treated that's the golden rule idea.

Speaker 2: 9:45

I think that the treat others as you would like to be treated has allowed us to slowly become a bit judgy, because we may treat someone the way we want to be treated, and if they don't want to be treated that way, then we're still doing what it is that we would want.

Speaker 2: 10:04

I have been teaching in my Bible study over the last few months the idea that perhaps it is better if we think about treating others the way they wish to be treated, and it's a little flip, a little nuance, but part of what I think we have growing in our culture is this sense of I am right and you are wrong, and so if I am right, then I can treat you the way that I think it is right to be treated, and it does not matter what you think.

Speaker 2: 10:36

And actually that's not the spirit of what Jesus said. Jesus spoke of love, and love explicitly takes into consideration the other person, of love, and love explicitly takes into consideration the other person. There is no one who has given us a more self-sacrificial example of love than Jesus. And so self-sacrificial love, that agape love that we talk about within Christian circles, that kind of agape love, is absolutely rooted in loving people the way they need to be loved, not limiting love to the way we need to be loved. And so that little nuance allows us to flip, and I think that that allows us then to become more a healing person, destructive force in the world, rather than a destructive force.

Speaker 1: 11:22

Well, that's very interesting. Well, how can we get back to loving and caring for each other and get back to where we were several years ago?

Speaker 2: 11:30

Well, I think we probably were still had lots of room to grow even years ago. But I think that the big thing that I try to encourage people to do is think small. Don't try to save the world, don't try to change the world. Try to change your world. And so most of us have a handful of really close relationships. What are we doing in those relationships to not only treat the people we love kindly but to also nurture in them the spirit of kindness toward the people that they have in their small circles? I mean, we're both parents and so I think of it constantly as a parent might.

Speaker 2: 12:11

What are we doing explicitly to raise up our children to be people who heal, to be people who seek peace, to be people who are kind always? It doesn't mean that you cannot say something you need to say. It does not mean you cannot be constructive or critical, but you can always say something hard with kindness and love. If we can teach people how to do that, then we can actually make the world better, one person at a time. And I do mean teach, because I do think that a lot of people have tacitly believed that simply living in the world is going to create in them a spirit or a capacity to be kind and understanding and loving, and we have essentially proven that is not the case over the last few decades, simply being in the world. That does not happen. Instead, we need to be very intentional about training people to be generous, to be grateful, to be kind and what that really looks like as they build robust relationships over time.

Speaker 1: 13:18

So, individually, we just really need to act as an advocate or even like an ambassador of love and just spread it one person at a time.

Speaker 2: 13:27

I think that would be so nice. I think a lot of times we look at the world and of course we are inundated with so much news. We know everything going on all over the place and it can feel like anything we do, in, any effort we make, will be just futile. Anything we do and any effort we make will be just futile. But I don't believe that's true. I think that, individually, what we do with the people we love most does actually ripple out into the world. And if we can invest ourselves in the people that we love most, in the people who trust us and who look to us for the best example of good relationships and healthy relationships, then that does ripple and that can make a very positive, transformational impact in the world around us.

Speaker 1: 14:12

Right, right. Well, you know, it's that time of year where we all are wanting to make changes. I stopped calling them resolutions a long time ago, so, but resolutions for some people, and one of the things I've been thinking about an awful lot lately is how do you teach people to let things go, like so many of us are holding on to different things, baggage it almost feels like a heavy backpack that you're carrying around all the time. How do you let something go? Forgive others if you have grudges against them or if something happened. I don't know how to do that.

Speaker 2: 14:53

Most of what I believe about the kind of weight and baggage that we carry is rooted very clearly in Christianity and that kind of theological idea that in Christ we have been given the freedom to begin again, the freedom to start from scratch because we've been forgiven. That can sound churchy and theological, but fundamentally what that really means to me is we do not have to do any of this alone. We do not have to carry the weight alone. We can hand that over. We do not have to work on being forgiven. We are forgiven and if we can accept that love and accept that forgiveness and accept the help, then we can actually turn and generously give to others.

Speaker 2: 15:43

We don't like to get help. I mean I think fundamentally we like to do things on our own, we like to be in charge, we like to drive the bus, we like to know what will happen and to actually admit humbly that we need help then allows us to see that of course we believe that God offers that help. All the help we need right now. That's grace. Grace is the help we need to put down everything that weighs us down and to then lift up the joy and the peace that we can then spread to the world. But asking for help, we're not good at that, and accepting help, we're even worse.

Speaker 1: 16:24

Yeah, you're bringing up a really, really good point. I have a very hard time asking for help and I just hear so many other people that I'm around say I surrendered to God and just let him take the reins. I knew I wasn't in control, and that is definitely something I would like to work on in 2025 is being able to do that.

Speaker 2: 16:42

I would love to believe that the people who say they surrender are speaking with a pretty solid theological kind of anchor. I'm not sure. I think sometimes people say those words because the phrase sounds good and maybe they're trying and speaking it out loud might help them. Or maybe they are actually trying to release blame. And I think we have to be responsible too. We can't just kind of cheaply say I surrender. But sometimes as Episcopalians we believe that what we pray makes us into a certain kind of believer. Put another way, what we do actually shapes what we believe, and so there is a sense in which a mantra or something like that, where you kind of speak out I surrender, I surrender. Well, you say it once or twice doesn't really mean much, but if you say it multiple times every day over months and years, it can begin to change.

Speaker 2: 17:45

I love to speak of gratitude. I know I've spoken in here about that before. By practicing gratitude we actually become more grateful, and I think that's part of the human condition. We can't intellectually change our beliefs, but if we change our behaviors I do think over time we change our beliefs, and that's sort of what you're talking about. If we can say that over and over again. We might fail most of the time at first, but at least we're trying and we will succeed a little bit more and a little bit more, and then fast forward 10 or 20 years and we've actually made a big shift in who we are and our basic character.

Speaker 1: 18:27

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Speaker 1: 19:09

What better way to try out this amazing service? So visit mannerlycom or call them at 214-463-2462 before the year ends and let them know that Martha from the Bubble Lounge sent you. Well, you did talk about the gratitude journal quite a bit in that last episode, and one of my friends was telling me literally just this morning how much that she had been keeping a gratitude journal this year and how much it changed her for the better, and it's just really been a huge contribution to her improving this year.

Speaker 2: 19:47

Absolutely. Gratitude is so powerful. But simply speaking gratitude or feeling grateful isn't quite enough. We have to act on the gratitude, and that's where the journaling comes in. The journaling itself is no magic bullet, but if we remind ourselves multiple times a day that there are many things to be grateful for, then it changes how we even see the world around us. Rather than focusing on the negative, we do focus on the positive.

Speaker 2: 20:16

One of the things I like to say regularly, whether I'm teaching or preaching, is that Americans have a particular kind of problem that a lot of people around the world do not have. Americans expect that life will be easy, and then, when life is not easy, feel gypped or as if things are not fair. Most of the rest of the world expects life to be hard, and so when life is easy, they are so grateful. If we could flip that kind of gratitude, I think it would be really powerful. If we could expect that life is hard because life is hard, of course life is hard and then, when life is easy, be really grateful. Man, we would change the way that we see everything.

Speaker 1: 20:59

That is an excellent point. I like that a lot. So I was literally just working in the cafeteria with a bunch of moms at the high school and pretty much every mom I talked to expressed that they we as moms do a better job of not letting that take over this holiday season.

Speaker 2: 21:33

Well, first off I want to say, although you're speaking of moms, I will loop in everyone, because it's not just moms. I think everyone, almost in this weird masochistic way, kind of celebrates being overwhelmed. I think that we in our culture somehow have gotten to the place where we feel most validated when we are most overwhelmed.

Speaker 1: 21:57

It's like a badge of honor, it's wild.

Speaker 2: 21:59

What is that? Yeah, well, I think that that's a bit of culture and I think that okay. So this is going to sound a little bad, but I will often go out to lunch meetings because I work so much with people in the parish who are volunteers and so they, you know, have a lunch break and they can meet with me and we can have a chat, and I cannot tell you how often. I am at a little restaurant somewhere right around here and I overhear people speaking, just like you did, about feeling overwhelmed and having so much to do and being so busy and drowning, and I'll kind of side eye and look at what they're doing. Well, they're on their second glass of wine at lunch and they're probably there for two plus hours and I cannot help but think how about? If you do something on your list, you might not feel so overwhelmed, and that's so judgy, and so I have to. You know I have to apologize for something, so that's what I can apologize for. But I do think that there is this sense of being overwhelmed then allows us to communicate that we are quite important and we are quite busy and that actually not being overwhelmed is not a goal.

Speaker 2: 23:09

I think that for a lot of people they've created the habit of constantly being overwhelmed with what they have to do, rather than actually trying in any way to solve the problem of being overwhelmed, and so that just creates a habit and that kind of gets back to the point I made earlier, which is what we do, the very small things that we do that create habits, then shape us over time. So I think, with no malice, with no ill intent, totally innocently, there is a starting place where someone says I'm overwhelmed, and they get such a positive emotional response because the culture celebrates being overwhelmed. Well, that teaches them, oh, that feels good to be validated and affirmed in being overwhelmed, so they might mention it again and they might mention it again, and so the first few times they mention it they might not really feel overwhelmed, but it's there, it's scratching the surface. Well, fast forward, after years and years and years of being around people who are affirming that sense of feeling overwhelmed, that just becomes a habit and the habit of telling everyone that you are overwhelmed, even though realistically, there are some pretty simple ways you can solve the problem of being overwhelmed. It's not even about the realism of being overwhelmed as much as it is about. That is how people have begun to relate to one another Without saying that I'm not even sure how to relate to you anymore. And so then it becomes who I am, because I've said it so many times over so many days and months and years that I actually believe that about myself.

Speaker 2: 24:45

And then when you approach someone and say I could actually help you not be so overwhelmed, because actually there's a very easy way to prioritize things and get things done and then not feel overwhelmed, that's not even a goal.

Speaker 2: 24:58

They don't even actually want to not feel that way anymore, because it has become so integral to their identity. If you flip that coin back to something like gratitude, that's why the journaling is so important, because you do not end a habit, you replace a habit. And so if your habit has become constantly identifying with being overwhelmed, you actually have to replace that habit with something else. And I think such a powerful way to do that is to replace that habit with gratitude. And so, rather than just ending one habit, you start a new one. It won't be immediate but, like your friend, over the course of a year or two, all of a sudden you'll realize that your actual identity is now more yoked to and rooted in gratitude than it is in feeling overwhelmed, that you've begun to shape your character in a completely new direction and I think, actually toward a much healthier direction.

Speaker 1: 26:02

Oh my gosh, this is just such easy and practical advice, but you're really opening my eyes up and I hope that others are feeling the same way too, because, seriously, like weekly, I constantly complain to Sean and tell him how overwhelmed I am, and I even had a professional organizer come to my home and try to help me get on track, and I still feel like I'm drowning. She gave me great advice.

Speaker 2: 26:25

It's a real feeling.

Speaker 1: 26:26

You're pointing out some really really good points.

Speaker 2: 26:29

I do not think that people are completely making up that they have a lot to do, but there is this sense of what a privilege to have to focus on the things we focus on. I mean, one of the things that has flipped for me and flipped for me probably about 15 years ago, but I was not until I was, you know well into my adulthood were things like so you got to go to your child's school and serve in the cafeteria. What a gift, what a privilege. I mean, how many people are out there in the world who they don't have the opportunity to, in the middle of the day, go to their child's school and just volunteer? How great.

Speaker 2: 27:08

Now, yes, that is a thing to do, and so you have given your time and you are doing something that takes time out of your day. But if you can flip this from a thing that I must do, along with all the other things I must do, to I have the freedom to just come during lunch and volunteer, that doesn't change anything you're actually doing. You are still making a contribution. But, man, that flips the way that it feels it is no longer like a task that is draining, but it is something that fills you up? Yeah right, and that can just. If you keep flipping things like that, little by little by little, then I think you're living into gratitude much more than you're feeling the weight of the task.

Speaker 1: 27:55

Right, I actually do enjoy it, but it never occurred to me that I need to like really soak in the moment and understand that I should be very grateful for that opportunity.

Speaker 2: 28:05

It's a good, it's a good switch.

Speaker 1: 28:07

Well, Chris, this has been such a treat. It is always so nice to have you in the Bubble Lounge. You have offered so much great advice. I think you're going to help a ton of people out there.

Speaker 2: 28:16

Thank you, I love being here. It's a pleasure to be back with you before Christmas.

Speaker 1: 28:20

Well, so I actually have a big favor to ask. I wouldn't normally ask this unless it was something a little bit more serious, but tonight Highland Park is playing Denton Ryan in the state semifinals and it's a really big deal for our community and I wanted to see if you would offer a little prayer to the team.

Speaker 2: 28:39

Oh, I would love to offer a prayer. Okay, come on. All right, let us pray. Gracious God, we know that you hear us when we come to you and ask, and so tonight we are asking your presence on the field to keep all the players safe and healthy, to watch over them and help them to play at their very best. We ask that you be with all of the boys of Hallen Park, that they will know your presence, feel your presence in your hand upon them to guide them. That they will know your presence, feel your presence and your hand upon them to guide them. That they will be able to be confident that they have trained well and that they have committed themselves to doing the very best that they can to be excellent at their craft. And we ask that you keep their hearts and minds focused on you and being the people you created them to be, and that in their hearts that they trust your will and that your will be done. All this we ask in Jesus' name, amen.

Speaker 1: 29:36

Amen and go Scots.

Speaker 2: 29:39

Go Scots.

Speaker 1: 29:40

Thank you so much. Well, how can people find you?

Speaker 2: 29:43

Well, I would love for people to visit us at stmichaelorg you spell that out S-A-I-N-T. Michaelorg and there you can listen to all kinds of teachings and sermons and read stuff that we have published. And tomorrow night no, I guess that would be in two nights on Sunday afternoon at 4 pm we will have our annual service of Christmas lessons and carols. It is such an exquisite way to really prep yourself for the holiday. So everyone is welcome to join us 4 pm Sunday afternoon.

Speaker 1: 30:12

Perfect. Well, that's been another episode of the Bubble Lounge. I'm Martha Jackson and I'll see you next time.