Speaker 1: 0:00

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Speaker 2: 0:13

Surgery"]. Welcome to the Bubble Lounge. I'm Nellie Shudo and I'm Martha Jackson, and today, martha, we have a slightly serious topic that we're gonna discuss today. Yes, we do, because, for those of us who have teenagers, at some point you have to address the issue of drug and alcohol addiction.

Speaker 1: 0:31

Well, you absolutely do. It's just so prevalent. No matter what community you're in, where your kids go to school, it's such an issue that we all need to educate our kids on.

Speaker 2: 0:40

Yeah, and today we have on two people from CARE and there's a breakfast coming up at the Dallas Country Club and they're gonna talk to us specifically about these issues.

Speaker 1: 0:48

Well, care Dallas was set up several years ago in the early 80s actually as an organization to help people in the park cities as well as North Dallas with problems of addiction, whether it's with your teens or your family member, and it offers so many amazing resources that help people as a free service, and today Robin Bagwell is gonna be with us.

Speaker 2: 1:09

She's heading up the organization, so she has a lot of valuable information for us. And then Jackseidt, who's the speaker at the DCC our very own Jackseidt's, for our very own neighborhood. He grew up here, he was a football player, he went to Highland Park High School, he went to SMU, so he has some like a really personal perspective on this issue.

Speaker 1: 1:26

That's right. He's so relatable, so many of us know him, and I'm just so proud that he has been able to share the story with us, so he's very transparent and we appreciate that.

Speaker 2: 1:37

So before we interview Jack, let's get into more of the information about CARE with Robin Bagwell, who's an administrator there.

Speaker 3: 1:44

Robin, thank you so much for being here today. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2: 1:48

So give us a little background. You've been at CARE for so many years. How many years exactly?

Speaker 3: 1:53

Well, my son is about to turn 29. And I think he was in first grade when I first got involved with CARE, so it's been quite a few years.

Speaker 2: 2:01

It's funny how you remember things based on the year, the school year.

Speaker 3: 2:04

The whole reason I got involved is they came to speak to PTA meeting at University Park Elementary and the gal that was the executive director was named Susan Hutchison and I went up to her afterwards I said you know, my kids are in school now. I have some free time. I'd love to get involved. And I was kind of thinking stuffing in below. I was making some phone calls, but I ended up on the board shortly after that and then president of the board and recruiting friends.

Speaker 2: 2:31

You got drawn in Never got away from it.

Speaker 1: 2:35

That's so amazing how sometimes just a simple question can lead you into being involved for many years, right.

Speaker 3: 2:42

Well, it's such a great free resource for our community that I really didn't know about till I got involved, and I think we're just so blessed to have them.

Speaker 1: 2:50

Well, how did it all start?

Speaker 3: 2:53

Well, I actually got in recovery myself like 23 years ago, and it was just my kids had asked me to quit drinking so much, and you know. So I got in recovery and I thought you know I need to do something to get back in that area. And once I got involved with the group I realized just what a need. It was almost like a private club that once you were in it you found out all these other people that were in it that you didn't know about.

Speaker 2: 3:23

Just a little basic background information on care for those who don't know, if you don't mind, yes.

Speaker 3: 3:29

It's changed some over the years, you know, with technology, but they've always done like a care calendar in the back and the kids would in the past, and the kids would submit their art projects on being drug free, being alcohol free, and they would pass that out during the opening of school. Well, now that's all digital, because you know just the way times have changed. But what the main benefit of care is, it's a free resource. When you're in trouble, you know they can connect. If you yourself were having trouble, they could connect you with somebody who could go to a meeting with you or could share their story. If it's your parents, your friends, an employee, they can help you find ways that they can still be a part of your company and not have to leave to get treatment or no, I think it sounds like a very intimate way of addressing something, like a friend that you can call in a way, and I just wondered how did they specifically help you?

Speaker 3: 4:32

Well, specifically with me, it's been people that call me that need help that I've been able to refer to care and you know I've had. There are people that have sent their loved ones to multiple treatment centers and their insurance won't pay anymore and they're done. They're like. You know, we we're not putting any more money in this. It hadn't helped and Care could connect them with somewhere like the 24-hour club or Nexus that takes people Free of charge, or people that are struggling financially, and you know I was shocked of the number of people in the park cities that have gone to Nexus or gone. You know I thought it was only for the homeless people or the people that didn't have anyone that cared about them, and that's not the case.

Speaker 2: 5:19

No, it's obviously a prevalent issue across the boards.

Speaker 1: 5:22

Well, I understand you have a big event coming up and Jack sides is the speaker.

Speaker 3: 5:26

We do, and I'm really excited for it. I've attended this event for over 25 years and I never leave without learning something or being glad I went. It's usually very punctual. It's something you're in and out of, you keep. People can get to work after it. We've had famous authors and sports figures, but our biggest Draw, or the biggest Best feedback we've gotten, have been the local people that have shared their stories, and so I'm really excited about hearing Jack side story.

Speaker 1: 6:00

Well, he's such a big part of the community I mean, everyone knows him and I just admire him so much. I know him Because our daughters are the same age and they were bills together and I just admire him so much for being so open and sharing his story and I really think that it will relate with so many people and people. People will be like, wow, you know if he can get help, we can get help.

Speaker 3: 6:21

Well, and I'm excited. I do not know him, but I did a little clip on Instagram for care of promoting him speaking, and I've had so many people come up saying oh, y'all are so lucky Jack's because share a story. I can't wait to hear it. I've never been, but I'm coming this year, so I think it's gonna be awesome.

Speaker 1: 6:38

I think it's gonna be a huge draw. And then I've also been seeing that you have been posting that you have a new executive director. So I've been seeing that you've been posting a lot about your new executive director.

Speaker 3: 6:48

We are so excited to welcome Daphne Holmes. She is going to bring great energy to care. She has Kids the same age as the group we mainly reach out to and she's a powerhouse. She's gonna be amazing.

Speaker 1: 7:01

Well, you're not gonna believe this. Daphne and I were pledge sisters at OU. We were triedouts together, oh my gosh. And so I know a lot of background and I was really so happy to see you post about her. Just to know that she has gone full Circle and she's come around and changed things around so much and to be such a part of your organization Really made me so proud for her.

Speaker 3: 7:21

Well, we are excited. I had friends that are in the recovery community that said you will be crazy not to hire her. That she is gonna be Amazing.

Speaker 2: 7:30

So I understand you have the care breakfast coming out. Tell us the details.

Speaker 3: 7:33

We do. It is always a fun event. It is going to be October 16th at 8 am At Dallas Country Club. It's always an easy event to attend. It starts punctually. I've never left that I didn't take away Great information and I'm always happy I attended.

Speaker 1: 7:51

Well, perfect, well, we're looking forward to it.

Speaker 2: 7:53

Well, thank you, I'm looking forward to it too. So, martha, isn't it great that there's an organization like care available to us here in the park Cities?

Speaker 1: 8:01

Absolutely. I think it's so wonderful, because I think it helps people, when they're going through a Crisis type of a situation like this, to have people that they feel like they can relate to. And what better way to people in your neighborhood to Relate to, and I mean Jack Syte. He's somebody I've known for a number of years as a dad, because our girls are the same age, and I just I admire him so much for sharing his story.

Speaker 2: 8:23

So let's bring in Jack Syte's. He is an incredible asset to us here in the park cities. He grew up here. He went to Highland Park High School. He went to SMU. He played football. He's got a really personal perspective on this that I think is so insightful and we'll be right back after this short break.

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Speaker 2: 10:37

Jack, welcome to the show.

Speaker 4: 10:39

Thank you, Nellie, Thank you Martha. I'm happy to be here, grateful to be here, and I appreciate everything you all are doing to help create awareness about the care of breakfast this year.

Speaker 1: 10:49

Well, thank you so much. Well, jack, you have had a very long time in the bubble, as we like to call it. You graduated from Highland Park, you went to SMU. You've played football for both schools. You have quite the background here. Kind of tell us a little bit about all that.

Speaker 4: 11:03

That's true. I'm a banker here in Dallas and people often ask, as a matter of context, where I'm from, how I got to the bank where I work at Tbk Bank in Preston Center, and I tell them that I'm from here, and I say literally from here, like Preston Center pretty much so and by that I mean I grew up in the park cities and went to Bradfield Elementary, went to what was in McCulloch Middle School, on to Highland Park High School, on to SMU, and I'm a banker who works in Preston Center.

Speaker 4: 11:35

So when I say I'm right here and I'll live to my entire life, I mean literally right here.

Speaker 1: 11:40

He is not kidding around.

Speaker 2: 11:42

Well, tell us more about your story and how you became connected to care.

Speaker 4: 11:45

I became connected to care. Well, first thing you need to know is that I was in active addiction for a number of years and I've currently been blessed with recovery from addiction for 13 plus years, since the summer of 2010. And it is a blessing and literally, in my case, I truly believe by the grace of God. And you know it's interesting that you asked how I became connected to care. You know, having lived here my entire life, I think I was aware of the name care and that there was a group and it had to do with, I think, when I was younger it was a chemical awareness At least it was called chemical awareness, something or other worked under a different name is what I'm saying and then later transitioned to care.

Speaker 4: 12:34

And I was approached by the former executive director to be a board member and I told her, I said, honestly, I gotta be, I've got to be honest with you that I've lived here my entire life.

Speaker 4: 12:45

I've heard the name care, but I don't really know what care does. And I know there's a breakfast and I know there's Red Ribbon Week, but that's really all I know. And she went on to tell me and frankly, I don't think I'm a very good board member For a lot of reasons. I won't bore you with that right now, but I was hesitant to allocate any time to it because I didn't think I could add much value as a board member and I thought basically it was going to be Red Ribbon Week and a breakfast. And then she told me about care, and what I realized is care has some incredibly valuable resources for people that are, for families that are in crisis, that are in chaos, that are dealing with active addiction, either themselves or a loved one and or a loved one and oftentimes at the beginning, people generally just don't know where to start. There's really not a how to In care of someplace you can go and get the how to and get the information and get the connections and oh, by the way, free of charge.

Speaker 2: 13:58

Well, and I also think with any kind of addiction, there is shame involved, right? Not that I think that's a good thing, I think it's a terrible thing, and I think it sounds like this is a resource that allows people to not feel that, to reach out and feel like they can share their stories, which you've been doing beautifully for years.

Speaker 4: 14:17

Well, thank you for saying that and I found, I found transparency to be very healing and absolutely, shame is a part of addiction recovery. Shame is a part of brokenness and we all have at least one thing in common and that's brokenness. And it's our brokenness that binds us all. That's our common ground, and I also often say that it's our brokenness, that that's our bridge to God. So so there's so much value in brokenness, yet we feel so much shame around our brokenness, whether it be addiction, depression, financial issues, marital issues, etc. Etc.

Speaker 4: 14:58

Grief, disease, illness, on and on and on, we all carry brokenness. We're all carrying at least one form of brokenness, usually more than one form of brokenness at all times. So, yes, there's a shame component in maybe at the breakfast at some point when we have more time, I could go into how I bumped into transparency, but I would say I think it's fair to say I bumped into it and I found it to be very healing. I didn't realize I was carrying around a tremendous burden still, even as I was a year, two years into recovery. And, in addition to that, what it was a real eye-opener to me, because when I laid my cards on the table, so to speak, people then opened up to me.

Speaker 2: 15:45

Well, you're leading by example.

Speaker 4: 15:47

Well, thank you for saying that. I hope there is. I do think recovery is about leadership. I think life is about leadership. I think it's about relationship and I think it's about leadership. And I think that, whether whatever brokenness each of us are dealing with, it's important to have a foundation of faith and then a structure to work. And with that foundation of faith and by working a structure, I think it's important to adopt a leadership lifestyle and to carry that forward to others and that heals ourselves. Hopefully we can be lights in this world for the Lord and reflections of Him by adopting a leader's lifestyle, and hopefully others will see that in us and be inspired to adopt positive change in their life.

Speaker 1: 16:47

Well, Jack, you and I know each other because our girls are the same age. We've been bell parents together for several years. Although I knew some of your backstory, you and I have never talked about it. So, to be honest, it's a little awkward for me to talk about this with you, but I have to tell you. I appreciate so much your openness and willing to share this information, because there's so many people out there that need to hear this and need your help. But I want to know your backstory. How did you get involved with your addiction?

Speaker 4: 17:18

I would say the short end. I think it was. I call it kind of the perfect storm, a three-headed monster. And that is to say I had physical pain from injuries that I suffered in athletics, specifically football. At the same time I had a lot of emotional pain and I had a genetic predisposition in my family to addiction. So you take those three, put them together and that's what I call kind of the perfect storm or the three-headed monster, and what that looked like was and I told this story recently when I was a senior in high school I was injured during the season and continued to play through it.

Speaker 4: 18:01

I had to have surgery after the season and at the same time there was a lot of brokenness in my family of origin and a lot of emotional pain around that. And after the surgery I was prescribed pain killers or pain meds for the physical pain from the surgery. And I can still to this day remember laying in my bed in my bedroom and, yes, I had physical pain from the surgery shoulder surgery. It's pretty painful. But I noticed something else that this medication completely relaxed me and it put me at ease and it gave me this peace and this serenity and it comforted me and did a lot of things that beyond masking physical pain, I was too inexperienced, too immature, probably too reckless, too young a lot of things to understand the danger involved in that. So I would say that when I'm asked when did addiction start for me, I would say likely the first time a beer crossed my lips early in high school. In active addiction, I led with pain pills, although I can make a very strong argument that I'm an alcoholic as well and certainly was addicted to tobacco, nicotine, smokeless tobacco and Skoll and Copenhagen. So I would say probably the first time alcohol crossed my lips in high school. And then the introduction of pain pills, my senior year, after shoulder surgery, and then when did that start looking like at active addiction and start impacting my life and my relationships in my career and every from 30 to 40 years old. That decade was a devastating, devastating decade that I literally almost didn't survive and I tried about everything I could of this world at that time and by then I married, had three beautiful children, still blessed to be married 27 years and we have three beautiful, wonderful children. I say children. They're all adults now and but I was June 29, 2010.

Speaker 4: 20:21

By way of an intervention, I found myself heading to another treatment center and my fear was, believe it or not, an intervention is everything you think it would be. But I had this sense of relief and I think it was maybe that I had another chance. You know, there was something one more chance to try and manage, beat this thing and 12 step hadn't worked. I've been doing another inpatient program. I've been doing outpatient program. I've been to psychiatrists, psychologists, one person we talked about doing hypnotism, but he didn't think I'd be a good candidate for it. I mean, so there was. I was trying to run a new play in the playbook every single day, and not only was I not gaining one yard any day, I was going backwards every day.

Speaker 2: 21:10

Well, your reference to football makes me think about this. As you're telling your story, I'm thinking about the fact that in our neighborhood, you are the perfect example of somebody who is a shiny penny. I'm going to say you know, you were playing football, you were from a nice family, you have a nice family. Do you feel like in our neighborhood there's more of an issue with transparency, much like you had? Like you finally came to transparency, you said do you feel there's more pressure I guess my point is on our children, on our ourselves here in this neighborhood, to not be transparent when having issues.

Speaker 4: 21:48

I personally don't think I've been asked that question before many times and, based on my experiences over the last 13 plus years, I don't think there's any more pressure in this neighborhood or in this community than there are in other communities. And I say that because when I was an inpatient, people came from really all over the world and everybody was going back to their community and everybody was very anxious about returning to their community. Everybody was burdened with shame heading back to their community and it was because it wasn't because they were coming back to the Park Cities.

Speaker 2: 22:34

So it's more universal at your side it's universal.

Speaker 4: 22:36

Somebody was heading back to Australia, somebody was heading back to Manhattan, somebody was heading back to Atlanta. I could go on and on and on. They had the same anxieties around anonymity, anonymity Did I say that correctly?

Speaker 2: 22:52

You did.

Speaker 4: 22:54

In transparency, as I did returning to my community. So I think it's just community. I don't know that it's any specific community, and there were small communities and there were large communities, there were affluent communities, there were rural communities, and what I realized was we all had the same fears and anxieties and experiences. It wasn't the community. It was our willingness to be humble, transparent and honest.

Speaker 2: 23:27

Yeah, like the human condition Right.

Speaker 4: 23:29

It's our willingness. I mean and I think, another I use the word willingness intentionally because a lot of people will say, oh, somebody's just not ready yet. I don't know that anybody's ever not ready to get well or to heal, it's just are you willing to walk that mile and to be uncomfortable for a little while? So I think it's much more a matter of willingness and everybody had to be willing to go back to their community and work their structure, whatever that structure is. I do believe there are all kinds of structures.

Speaker 4: 24:02

Not I don't believe that there's any one structure, other than I believe it's been my experience that having a having Christian faith as my foundation was the absolute game changer after a decade of trying everything else. When I plugged that in as my foundation and then pulled in what I call the worldly disciplines, the worldly structure, the worldly information and worked that on top of a foundation of Christian faith, my life changed. And I don't mean I was able to successfully manage addiction and find recovery, I mean my heart changed, my life changed. A lot of things that go along with active addiction craving, agitation, rage rather than anger, etc. Those things were quieted and there's nothing in my experience of this world and I try. I think I tried it all. If there's something else out there I missed, then I missed it. But over a decade I think I touched all the bases and my life changed so much so that I was hesitant to speak about that portion of it for some period of time.

Speaker 2: 25:24

But you're going to be speaking at the care breakfast I am About two topics.

Speaker 4: 25:29

I mean the content of look. The content is addiction and recovery, and I probably would have never been comfortable talking about that. To me that's brokenness and we all have it, and I don't want to minimize it or maximize it, it's just a reality. My main brokenness, my leading brokenness, was active addiction and so, speaking about that content, I'm very comfortable with that content and in addition to that, I'm comfortable talking about the content of my faith, my Christian faith, and those are two subjects that 14 years ago I probably would have applauded and appreciated someone talking about that and maybe to some degree thought you know, poor them, a little bit strange. But I think my message would be this is available for everybody, and in my situation I was the person who wasn't available.

Speaker 1: 26:33

Well, jack, something that I wanted to ask you about is I have two teenagers, nellie has one and I just feel like there's this ties back into community and how it goes on everywhere. I feel like there's just such a high pressure for teenagers and it's gone on forever to you know to drink, maybe try drugs, do this or do that. Tell us about conversations that you probably had with your kids when they were younger, just to educate them and give them the tools that they needed to perhaps stay away from those type of things?

Speaker 4: 27:06

Great question. And I think I chose early on in this battle to just be wide open with the information, because when I left that inpatient facility in Arizona I had a lot of valuable information that I thought you know what everybody should have. This information I mean literally. I think there should be a curriculum in schools, whether it be at the high school or level or beyond, for this information. So two things Number one not talking about it would have just been having an elephant in the room. You know, our kids are smart, they understand.

Speaker 2: 27:42

So we'd dress it head on yourself, right?

Speaker 4: 27:43

So let's just bring it, let's just talk about it. And here's what we're going through. And oh, by the way, here's where I've been. It was honesty. I was just honest with my kids about where I'd been, the decisions I'd made, and so was Shay. We were both. She doesn't drink anymore. We were both honest about the life decisions we'd made good, bad and different and as we tried to, as we parented them, we shared our experiences and then we made them aware of the fact that we love them and we want everything to work out perfectly for them. Unfortunately, not everything's going to work out perfectly for them, and we're going to share our experiences and they can take from that what they will. But then they're going to have to take ownership of their own lives and if they ever run into this beast of addiction, I'm here to help them.

Speaker 2: 28:31

Great yeah, so you encourage them to be open 100%. Right, we can take that from that. This is so interesting, so care for you is a very special project.

Speaker 4: 28:38

It is.

Speaker 2: 28:39

Okay, and we've got the breakfast coming up and I know you can't really talk exactly, you don't want to say exactly what you're going to say there, but it sounds like this would be so inspirational for people of all ages.

Speaker 4: 28:50

I hope so. I think the information, yes, is applicable across every demographic. It's about brokenness, it's about healing, it's about community, it's about relationship. It's about doing the stuff together. Look before, when I was in addiction, at one point I told my wife Shay, we all have stuff, and I didn't use the word stuff.

Speaker 3: 29:22

Right.

Speaker 4: 29:23

You know where I'm going with that.

Speaker 3: 29:24

We know where you're going.

Speaker 4: 29:25

And I think I said that because it made me feel better about where I was in this horribly, horrific dark hole. Our family was caving in because of me. We're on the verge of collapse and I said it because intellectually I knew that that to be true. Right, and we all know that we all have stuff. After I've been in recovery 13 plus years, I've been a banker. For 11 years as a business development officer, I go meet with people trying to garner new business for the bank.

Speaker 4: 29:59

As a matter of context, people would ask me how I got into banking years ago and I had chosen honesty and transparency and to never deny the Lord in my walk and I'll go more into that at the breakfast. But in any event, I later told Shay, after many coffees, lunches, breakfast conversations it's been probably 11 years of that that not only do we all have stuff, we have the same stuff. We just don't tell each other. We just don't tell each other and everybody's going home every night and I could, I could inventory eight or 10 things right now that I hear literally almost every day, multiple times a week, and everybody's juggling three or four of those things at one time every single day, and then we go out and we present ourselves. And there's presentation and that's okay, because we're not supposed to be Debbie down or everywhere we go. And there's a place for presentation, but there's also a place for transparency and authenticity and honesty, and I think too often we don't make room for those things.

Speaker 1: 31:19

I think you're so right and it is like we put on this brave face and we just feel like we can't be open when we're going through something rough and so many people are, it's very much the norm for us all to be going through something at any point in time, and that's the key.

Speaker 2: 31:35

I agree with you. The key is sharing that with people.

Speaker 4: 31:38

Right.

Speaker 2: 31:38

Like the way you're doing when you speak to people. So back to the event.

Speaker 4: 31:43

The care breakfast is when and where the care breakfast is on Monday, october 16th, at 8am at the Dallas Country Club.

Speaker 2: 31:51

Well, it's been so great to have you on the show and I really encourage everybody out there if this in any way touches, touches you in some way that you feel you can benefit from it. So go to the breakfast. It sounds like there'll be Jack and a great breakfast. What?

Speaker 1: 32:06

else could you ask for?

Speaker 4: 32:08

Probably a lot more.

Speaker 1: 32:10

And to learn more and to purchase tickets, visit care-dallasorg.

Speaker 4: 32:15

Love to see you there and please if I know you and if I don't know you hang out afterwards because I would love to meet you, Shake your hand, give you a hug, and I mean that.

Speaker 2: 32:23

Well, thank you again. That's been another episode of the Bubble Lounge. I'm Nellie Shudo.

Speaker 1: 32:27

And I'm Martha Jackson, and we'll catch you next time.